| Coffee Addiction |
You know you are addicted to coffee if
-You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
-You sleep with your eyes open.
-You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
-The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
-You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
-You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
-Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
-You chew on other people's fingernails.
-The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
-You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their
margaritas.
-You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
-You can jump-start your car without cables.
-You don't sweat, you percolate.
-You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
-You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
-You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
-People get dizzy just watching you.
-Instant coffee takes too long.
-You channel surf faster without a remote.
-You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
-You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
-You short out motion detectors.
-You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
-Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
-You help your dog chase its tail.
-You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
-Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
-You ski uphill.
-You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
-You answer the door before people knock.
-You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
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